Sauza–Expect Fake, er, Fresh

Originally Published May 20, 2009 by M.A. “Mike” Morales on Cocktailmatch

cocktailmatch, Sauza
Sauza–Expect Fake, er, Fresh

Sauza, tequila, mixtoSo I’m leafing through my June 2008 issue of New Mexico Beverage Analyst (based in Denver!), and I see this ad campaign for Sauza’s revamped mixto:

“Step into the refreshing and appetizing world of Sauza Gold and Blanco–a world where the Blue Agave is adored and nurtured. We gently extract the flavorful juices from the agave, and then double distill them for that smooth flavor and ultimate fresh experience you expect from Sauza Gold and Blanco. Whether it’s shots or cocktails, Sauza has your customers covered. Step into the unexpected, step into the world of Sauza Gold and Blanco, where you can always Expect Fresh.

Made with gently extracted Blue Agave for Freshness.”

I had previously posted elsewhere about Sauza’s 2008 springtime ad campaign that included their new look bottles, and is geared toward women and food pairing. Analysts at Sauza believe that women make up almost 50% of the tequila drinking market.

Duh!

Notice the words “adored,” “nurtured,” “appetizing,” and “fresh.” The phrases “gently extracted,” and “ultimate fresh experience” also caught my eyes. Not to mention the deliberate capitalization of “Blue Agave.”

It never ceases to amaze how marketers who have no idea how tequila is produced, hack out mindless copy and charge thousands of dollars for it. It’s also interesting that after all these years, marketing and branding companies with no imagination still try to work the “romance” angle of tequila.

coa
The coa – a deadly cutter that must be razor sharp to gut through tough agave fibers

If this is Sauza’s attempt to lure women to their mixto brand, they had better try harder. How dumb do they think they are? How about an ad campaign based on reality?

“Ladies…

Tequila production is harsh–very harsh–on blue agave, and has all the charm of your last mammogram!

shredder
Shredder courtesy of Embajador Tequila

First, its leaves are hacked off with a primitive blade, then they’re tossed onto a truck with hundreds of other piñas. Once at the distillery, they’re axed in half, then quartered.

Next, they’re baked or pressure steamed, pulverized under a huge grinding stone, or fed into a shredder.

Every last once of blue agave juice is squeezed out, shoveled or siphoned into enormous tanks and fermented to a stinky, boyfriend’s-tennis shoe-smelling froth with mounds of sugar!

Can’t you just see the extra calories on your thighs, now?

cane
49% of mixto tequila is made of this (or a cheaper sugar). This is what is responsible for your hangover.

What happens to the discarded chunks and fibers of the blue agave? Like an old girlfriend, they’re unceremoniously tossed back onto the ground as fertilizer, compost, if they’re lucky.

That upchucky feeling in your throat? Not very “appetizing” is it?

And that splitting headache the next day while you “stepped into the unexpected world of Sauza Gold and Blanco?” No—that’s not what “fresh” feels like!

Trade up from mixtos! Sip only 100% agave tequila.

A stand-up tequila will never leave you hungover!”

Just thought I’d set the record straight for the other 50% of the tequila drinking sector.